From the 8/29/13 EDITION of The Gazette - Joel Gingold letter to the editor:
A HUMBLE PETITION TO THE ROYAL COURT OF CROTON
Your Imperial Highness and Ladies and Gentlemen of the Royal Court:
I am but a lowly peasant dwelling in thy kingdom, but I take leave to address thee, Lords and Ladies, on matters of great concern to thy realm. I know full well that thou art anointed to rule over us and that the acts and opinions of we ignorant peasants are of no consequence to your august personages. For, in this kingdom, thou art the sole source of knowledge and wisdom. I know further that to question the edicts of the crown is tantamount to treason and can subject me to the forfeiture of my meager worldly goods and even my life. But I fear for the future of the kingdom and can no longer remain silent.
Thou hast proposed marriage with the Duchess of Gouveia so as to merge her lands into thine own. But thy forebears have already provided broad tracts of land for the enjoyment of the nobility of the realm and even a few modest places where we peasants may gather. The dowry the Duchess brings to this union is small compared to large sums that will have to be drawn from the Royal Treasury for the upkeep of the Gouveia Duchy and to protect it against invaders.
We peasants fear that this will result in the Royal Tax Collectors descending upon us to extract even greater sums than are now taken from us and many will not be able to bear this additional burden. Some may be forced to leave this kingdom they love and seek to scratch out a living in some other clime.
Thou hast also proposed to take additional vast amounts of the Royal Treasure to improve the Royal Highway upon which Your Majesty currently extracts a substantial tribute from travellers passing through the realm on their daily journey to other lands. But these expenditures will not increase the number of such travellers nor will it produce a farthing of additional tribute for the treasury. The Royal Edict thou hast proclaimed will forbid these travellers, and even thine own subjects, from tarrying along the way to patronize the merchants and craftsmen along the Royal Highway. And these hard working yeomen shall suffer mightily and may, themselves, be driven from the kingdom.
Once more, we fear, the Royal Tax Collectors shall descend upon the peasantry to confiscate even more of our worldly goods so that the treasury may be replenished. And more poor souls will have to gather what meager possessions remain to them and seek refuge in a friendlier kingdom.
Surely, Your Gracious Majesty, and you, Lords and Ladies, must realize that the peasantry cannot bear these further depredations. Some among us are advocating that we to take up torches and pitchforks and storm the Royal Palace. And others have even proposed loosing upon thee that most fearsome of weapons -- the Unbridled Attorney.
This will not bode well for the kingdom or for Your Majesty and the Court. So I beseech thee to reconsider these noxious initiatives and to allow thy kingdom to return to an era of peace, harmony and prosperity.
Humbly submitted,
Joel E. Gingold, Peasant First Class
Your Imperial Highness and Ladies and Gentlemen of the Royal Court:
I am but a lowly peasant dwelling in thy kingdom, but I take leave to address thee, Lords and Ladies, on matters of great concern to thy realm. I know full well that thou art anointed to rule over us and that the acts and opinions of we ignorant peasants are of no consequence to your august personages. For, in this kingdom, thou art the sole source of knowledge and wisdom. I know further that to question the edicts of the crown is tantamount to treason and can subject me to the forfeiture of my meager worldly goods and even my life. But I fear for the future of the kingdom and can no longer remain silent.
Thou hast proposed marriage with the Duchess of Gouveia so as to merge her lands into thine own. But thy forebears have already provided broad tracts of land for the enjoyment of the nobility of the realm and even a few modest places where we peasants may gather. The dowry the Duchess brings to this union is small compared to large sums that will have to be drawn from the Royal Treasury for the upkeep of the Gouveia Duchy and to protect it against invaders.
We peasants fear that this will result in the Royal Tax Collectors descending upon us to extract even greater sums than are now taken from us and many will not be able to bear this additional burden. Some may be forced to leave this kingdom they love and seek to scratch out a living in some other clime.
Thou hast also proposed to take additional vast amounts of the Royal Treasure to improve the Royal Highway upon which Your Majesty currently extracts a substantial tribute from travellers passing through the realm on their daily journey to other lands. But these expenditures will not increase the number of such travellers nor will it produce a farthing of additional tribute for the treasury. The Royal Edict thou hast proclaimed will forbid these travellers, and even thine own subjects, from tarrying along the way to patronize the merchants and craftsmen along the Royal Highway. And these hard working yeomen shall suffer mightily and may, themselves, be driven from the kingdom.
Once more, we fear, the Royal Tax Collectors shall descend upon the peasantry to confiscate even more of our worldly goods so that the treasury may be replenished. And more poor souls will have to gather what meager possessions remain to them and seek refuge in a friendlier kingdom.
Surely, Your Gracious Majesty, and you, Lords and Ladies, must realize that the peasantry cannot bear these further depredations. Some among us are advocating that we to take up torches and pitchforks and storm the Royal Palace. And others have even proposed loosing upon thee that most fearsome of weapons -- the Unbridled Attorney.
This will not bode well for the kingdom or for Your Majesty and the Court. So I beseech thee to reconsider these noxious initiatives and to allow thy kingdom to return to an era of peace, harmony and prosperity.
Humbly submitted,
Joel E. Gingold, Peasant First Class
Funny but not funny at the same time.
ReplyDeleteYou'll get no action until you show up en masse at a Board meeting and the Board sees how angry you are. Look back at the Deer incident and Metro Enviro.
ReplyDeleteHope to see you next week and during the fowllowing weeks until this is settled.
A uprising may well be in order!
ReplyDelete