From the 8/29/13 EDITION of The Gazette - Joel Gingold letter to the editor:
A HUMBLE PETITION TO THE ROYAL COURT OF CROTON
Your Imperial Highness and Ladies
and Gentlemen of the Royal Court:
I am but a lowly peasant dwelling
in thy kingdom, but I take leave to address thee, Lords and Ladies, on matters
of great concern to thy realm. I know
full well that thou art anointed to rule over us and that the acts and opinions
of we ignorant peasants are of no consequence to your august personages. For, in this kingdom, thou art the sole
source of knowledge and wisdom. I know
further that to question the edicts of the crown is tantamount to treason and
can subject me to the forfeiture of my meager worldly goods and even my life. But I fear for the future of the kingdom and can
no longer remain silent.
Thou hast proposed marriage with
the Duchess of Gouveia so as to merge her lands into thine own. But thy forebears have already provided broad
tracts of land for the enjoyment of the nobility of the realm and even a few modest
places where we peasants may gather. The
dowry the Duchess brings to this union is small compared to large sums that
will have to be drawn from the Royal Treasury for the upkeep of the Gouveia
Duchy and to protect it against invaders.
We peasants fear that this will
result in the Royal Tax Collectors descending upon us to extract even greater
sums than are now taken from us and many will not be able to bear this additional
burden. Some may be forced to leave this
kingdom they love and seek to scratch out a living in some other clime.
Thou hast also proposed to take additional
vast amounts of the Royal Treasure to improve the Royal Highway upon which Your
Majesty currently extracts a substantial tribute from travellers passing
through the realm on their daily journey to other lands. But these expenditures will not increase the
number of such travellers nor will it produce a farthing of additional tribute
for the treasury. The Royal Edict thou
hast proclaimed will forbid these travellers, and even thine own subjects, from
tarrying along the way to patronize the merchants and craftsmen along the Royal
Highway. And these hard working yeomen
shall suffer mightily and may, themselves, be driven from the kingdom.
Once more, we fear, the Royal Tax
Collectors shall descend upon the peasantry to confiscate even more of our
worldly goods so that the treasury may be replenished. And more poor souls will have to gather what meager
possessions remain to them and seek refuge in a friendlier kingdom.
Surely, Your Gracious Majesty,
and you, Lords and Ladies, must realize that the peasantry cannot bear these
further depredations. Some among us are advocating that we to take up torches and
pitchforks and storm the Royal Palace. And
others have even proposed loosing upon thee that most fearsome of weapons -- the
Unbridled Attorney.
This will not bode well for the
kingdom or for Your Majesty and the Court.
So I beseech thee to reconsider these noxious initiatives and to allow
thy kingdom to return to an era of peace, harmony and prosperity.
Humbly submitted,
Joel E. Gingold, Peasant First Class
